Meghan Wier
Author | Writer | Web Consultant

Author Meghan Wier has a unique take on the business world. As an introvert Meghan has suffered through the angst of the crowded networking event and the frustration with being heard over the abundance of extroverts. Meghan wants to share with you her secrets to success; how to break out, be heard, balance the demands of life, and all the while not changing who you are--an introvert.

Meghan is an author, freelance writer, corporate blogger and Web consultant living in Fort Mill, South Carolina. Meghan is currently working on her second book on the relationships of the Introvert. To read a little about the Meg's current projects, check out the Meg's Blog.

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"I am the Shy Girl"

I am like many introverts, riddled with two other related social problems, 1) I am shy, and 2) I have “stage fright”. While others may just have trouble giving a speech, or talking to new people, I have even more to overcome to be a successful networker. In school, the idea of speaking in front of the class or giving a presentation was so overwhelming to me that I visibly shook. I probably lost every spelling bee I was ever in, not because I couldn’t spell, but because I couldn’t stand in front of a group of people and spell out one single word. (Ok, so I am not the best speller either, but I was a lot better than my 5^th grade teacher ever thought I was!)

There have been numerous times in my life that being a little more of an extrovert, and a little less shy, would have allowed me further success—or at least to reach my real potential, and as an adult I began to realize that I was being robbed of these opportunities because I was scared to take that step and go after them.

There were several factors in my progression to what my friend Paul calls a “forced extrovert”. One turning point for me is and example of my “stage fright” and where being and introvert came to teach me a serious, and unexpected lesson. I was taking a class after work. We had been told that we were going to have to give a presentation in front of a small group. I was stressed, and nervous, but I prepared for my speech, practiced, copied all my hand-outs and I was ready. It took all the courage I had to go that class knowing that I would have to give that presentation, but I knew that I could give a decent 10 minute speech to 4-5 people. I had done it before and I knew my material. I just had to relax.

Deep breath…

When I arrived that evening the instructor casually informed us that we would not be breaking into small groups, instead we would be giving the presentation to the entire class—a large group of people whom I did not know. I was mortified and I was mad—really mad. I stood up from my seat as the news began to sink in, and raced, as nonchalantly as possible, into the bathroom.

I stood in that tiny, dark, dirty stall and I sobbed. I cried because I felt betrayed by the instructor who had mislead me and changed the format without informing me ahead of time, but I was primarily upset because I was upset. Why was this little presentation to a classroom of people so difficult for me to give? I was an adult. I was a professional, I had given speeches and lead meetings before; I had given dozens of presentations. And I was prepared to give this one, but the rules had changed. Instead of 5 people I sort-of knew, there were 30 people I mostly did not know. To add to my anguish, the presentation was going to be videotaped!

As I stood there in that bathroom, upset and mortified, I realized that no one was going to come in there and rescue me. No matter what I did, if I wanted to avoid total embarrassment, I would have to collect myself, and give my presentation, for better or for worse—and so I did.

My presentation was probably less than stellar. I spoke too fast, stuttered over my words, and paced at the front of the room—but I got through it. I was in my mid-twenties and the teacher…just happened to be my mother! My mom never even knew I had been upset, and she and the other instructors told me the presentation went well.  I figured if my own mother couldn’t recognize that I was shaking and nervous, and that I had been scared to speak in front of the group, (that I had run to the bathroom and cried my eyes out…) maybe I was making a bigger deal out of it than I needed to be.

I still don’t like giving presentations, but I realized that I could do it. I could even give a decent presentation when the rules changed, when I was outside of my comfort zone, or even when I was being videotaped. I will never be truly comfortable, but it does get a little better each time!

Another pivotal moment came several years ago when I attended an open networking event. I had been getting email information about this regularly occurring event for months, but had always found a reason not to attend, until one day. My boss came in to my office and asked if I had ever made it to that event. I said that I hadn’t had a chance, and he then requested that I go. Finally with that little “kick” I had the motivation, and I agreed that I would go that night, and I was determined to go out there and make some new contacts.

I arrived that evening, got my name tag, found a drink and found a corner. I then proceeded to stand in that corner then transition to another corner, look at the artwork, get another drink, read a brochure and then leave. I was there for about an hour and did not meet anyone—not one single person, not even the caterer! I left in despair, frustrated with myself, and disappointed that I had both wasted my time, and not had the “guts” to meet anyone. I swore that I would never attend another business networking event and not do any networking.

I knew that I needed to network, but those kinds of networking events just did not work for me. I recognized the value in creating a group of valued friends, advisors, and business associates. But I was unable to build my network much beyond my immediate family and a few close friends, most of whom I would never have considered actually asking a business related question.

I tried several other avenues for business networking, including joining several professional organizations and volunteer groups. My hope was that these more structured groups would afford me the opportunities I was seeking. Again I found that while there were plenty of events and lunches to attend, I still shied away from networking—and meeting new people.

Two things happened almost at once for me. The first was that I had had enough with boring lunches that I left without a single new contact, and the second was that I was invited to a formal business networking group.

I took the membership book from one of my groups and began to call the people in the group to setup one-on-ones. I also began attending BNI, (Business Network International). These two steps took me from my desperation and frustration and lifted me up. They began to rebuild my self-confidence, and my network began to grow. And subsequently my business also began to grow.

Business networking is important. It continues to bring people together, and assist businesses. Not all sales people are extroverts, and introverts can, and do make great sales people. You may be reading this because you are a sales person, or you have been put in the role of a salesperson. You may work for a small company that needs every employee to represent it and bring in new business to succeed. And you may be a business owner, or sole proprietor who must take on a variety of roles, including sales. >Whatever your motivation for improving your network, and overcoming the hurdles of being an introvert, your success is ultimately determined by your ability to recognize that you may be the only one who will ever know that you are uncomfortable, and recognizing that you may “fit” better in some places than others. Furthermore, there is strength that can be gained from being uncomfortable and getting through the situation! Take a chance, stand up and give that presentation, say “hi” to a stranger, go to an event you are uncomfortable at, or find a group where you can feel comfortable… eventually it does get easier, and even, (you have to trust me on this!) a little fun. Good Luck.

© 2005 Meghan Wier

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